ain't in a row o' some sort. He will always manage to pick a quarrel
out of something. He's mighty troublesome, especially when he's
drinkin'. He was pretty full over there that night, an' kept dancin'
with his hat on. Mis' Lumpkin, who give the dance, asked 'im quietly
to take it off an' behave like a gentleman. That made 'im mad, an' he
swore he'd die first. Then some o' the boys tuk Mis' Lumpkin's part,
an' tol' 'im the hat would come off ur he'd go out. It 'ud be a treat
to see Toot Wambush mad if you could feel sure you wouldn't get hit.
He clamped his hands together behind 'im an' yelled to Uncle Mack to
stop fiddlin'; then he 'lowed ef any man thar tried to oust 'im he'd
put windows in 'im. Frank Hansard, Lum Evans, and Andy Treadwell made
signs at one another an' closed in on 'im. They didn't fully realize
who they had to deal with, though. I hain't got much use for Toot, but
he'll fight a circular saw bare-handed. He backed into a corner over a
pile o' split pine-knots an' grabbed one that Thad Muntford declared
wuz shaped like the jaw-bone o' Samson's ass. It had a long handle an'
weighed about fifteen pounds. On my word, it seemed to me he slugged
Frank and Andy at exactly the same time. You could 'a' heerd the'r
skulls pop to the gate. They both fell kerflop in front of 'im. That
left jest Lum Evans facin' 'im 'thout a thing in his hands. He dodged
Toot's pine-knot when he swung it at 'im an' then Toot laughed an'
thowed it down and shook his fists at 'im, an' tol' 'im to come on for
a fair fisticuff. Jest then Frank come to an' started to rise, but
Toot sent 'im back with a kick in the face, an' helt 'im down with 'is
boot on 'is neck. Andy backed out of the door, an' then Toot ordered
Uncle Mack to play, an' tried to get the girls to dance with 'im, but
nobody would, so he danced by 'isse'f, while Doc White an' Mis' Lumpkin
worked on the wounded men in the next room. Since then Toot has al'ays
wore his hat at dances. He swore he never would go to one unless he
did."