establishment like one who feels himself an independent citizen, and
then commenced looking at the place and the people, as the people
commenced looking at me. Returning looks, and question-asking, seemed
the fashion. 'Stranger!' said a well dressed but rather inquisitive
individual, 'you must, to be anybody in this place, smother yourself
in dignity, and eat dough-nuts of Southern make. Large quantities of
this diet are made now at the White House; in fact Pierce has turned
the establishment into a factory, where that article is manufactured
_ad libitum_, and all are expected to eat.' I thought the person who
thus accosted me had large experience of matters in general, for he
gave me a slanting wink and a cunning nudge, which I rendered into an
insinuation to stand treat. I affected not to understand him, and
edging aside a pace, made a bold effort to gain the long and very
expensive mahogany counter that stretched half across the office, and
behind which glowed out the figure of a fat citizen, whom I stared
right in the face. You cannot get cleverly through this world without
brass; if in your face you have enough to establish a foundery, so
much the better. It is indispensable in political matters; and,
whether right or wrong, the reader can best judge. I have thought the
smaller the politician, the larger were his dealings in the article.
No one could be more cautious how they scandalized their neighbours
than I am; this, Uncle Sam, you well know; but I question the policy
of being delicate during the reign of Pierce, whose cabinet recalls to
my mind the story of the clacking hen, that forever kept up a noise
without laying one egg. To make your way in Washington, you must storm
and put to route a whole platform of valiant gentlemen, who have
become political images in brass. As they love you, Uncle Sam, so also
would they live upon you, die upon you, be buried at your expense, and
their friends be very angry were you not a mourner at the
funeral. This I, Smooth, declare an honest fact, notwithstanding the