Ablishin Synods and conferences hed accoosed em uv irregularities in
hoss tradin, and various other irregularities, and suspended em, and
silenced em and sich, becoz they were Democrats, but--

The President shrugged his sholders, and asked all who cood read to step
out. About one-half answered, and then he requestid sich uv this number
ez cood be prevaled upon to accept a small office, and who bleeved
theirselves fit, to step out agin, and to my unutterable horror and
consternation, every one but five stepped out ez brisk ez so many bees.
Immejitly there wuz an uproar. Them ez coodent read swore vociferously
that there wuz nothin fair about _that_ arrangement. They never knowd
that a man wuz obliged to be able to read to hold office in the
Democratic party, and they'd never stand that, and they all stepped out.

Finally it wuz decided that a election should be held at some fucher
time.

The next step wuz to divide em up into employments. The President
requested them ez preferred to foller mekanikle employments to step out:
Sum thirty advanced. Them ez preferred farmin: About fifty stept out.
Them ez expected to run small groceries:

There wuz a sound like the rush uv many waters. Ninety-eight per cent,
uv all--ceptin the officers and preachers--sprung to the front, but when
they saw ther strength, their faces turned white. "Good Lord!" whispered
they; "we can't make a livin out uv the remainin two per cent. and the
officers and preachers!"

The mass then demanded a division uv the property, that all mite start
alike, but upon takin a inventory, it wuz found not wuth while to bother