truth. No; I will let their fancy run its own course, trusting that
it may die before they become aware of its existence.

That is it; they do not know it yet, it is an unconscious
attraction. He loves me so firmly, he would never dream of
infidelity to me; yet, just at present, he is unfaithful in thought
and does not know it. Poor dear, if he knew, how miserable he would
be, how he would hate himself! And Constance, too. This is a cruel
thing, but I think I can bear it; it must pass because they love me
so much. It rests with me; I must be very wise. They are as
sleep-walkers; I must lead them from danger, patiently, tenderly. I
think I can keep calm.


_June 21st._--It comes to me almost as a miracle what one can bear.
It seems that a certainty, however terrible, hurts less cruelly than
doubt. I suffered most at the dawning of my fears. Now that I know
the worst, I can strain my endurance to the requisite point.
Besides, it cannot last. The more I think of it, the more natural it
seems to me that they should thus forget themselves, for a while;
have I not myself been foolish over both? The fault, too, is mine; I
brought them together; they are not to blame.

Some day I shall laugh at all this; and it is really endurable, even
now. The thing is to brace oneself sufficiently, to the exact point.
It seems to me I keep saying the same thing over and over again; but
it is so necessary to keep it in mind.


_June 25th._--Gabriel is not well. I noticed it a day or two ago.