the consequences. If you carelessly bumped into him, you were knocked
down. If you objected, you were arrested. If you struck back, ten to
one you received a beating with the flat of a saber. And never, never
mistake the soldiery for the police; that is to say, never ask an
officer to direct you to any place. This is regarded in the light of
an insult. The cub-lieutenants do more to keep a passable
sidewalk--for the passage of said cub-lieutenants--than all the
magistrates put together. How they used to swagger up and down the
Königsstrasse, around the Platz, in and out of the restaurants! I
remember doing some side-stepping myself, and I was a diplomat,
supposed to be immune from the rank discourtesies of the military. But
that was early in my career.

In a year not so remote as not to be readily recalled, the United
States packed me off to Barscheit because I had an uncle who was a
senator. Some papers were given me, the permission to hang out a
shingle reading "American Consul," and the promise of my board and
keep. My amusements were to be paid out of my own pocket. Straightway
I purchased three horses, found a capable Japanese valet, and selected
a cozy house near the barracks, which stood west of the Volksgarten, on
a pretty lake. A beautiful road ran around this body of water, and it
wasn't long ere the officers began to pass comments on the riding of
"that wild American." As I detest what is known as park-riding, you
may very well believe that I circled the lake at a clip which must have
opened the eyes of the easy-going officers. I grew quite chummy with a
few of them; and I may speak of occasions when I did not step off the
sidewalk as they came along. A man does more toward gaining the
affection of foreigners by giving a good dinner now and then than by
international law. I gained considerable fame by my little dinners at
Müller's Rathskeller, under the Continental Hotel.