With a basketful of hops.

"You Sailor from the Dover Coast
With your blue eyes full of ships,
Carry my basket to the oast
And I'll kiss you on the lips."

Once she kissed me with a jest,
Once with a tear--
O where's the heart was in my breast
And the ring was in my ear?

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Head of Government Department_ (_in his private room
in recently-commandeered hotel_). "BOY! BRING SOME MORE COAL!"]

* * * * *

WAR'S ROMANCES. [Now that fiction is occupying itself so much with
military matters, it is necessary to warn the lady novelist--as
it used to be necessary in other days to warn her in relation to
sport--to cultivate accuracy. There is a constant danger that the
popular story will include such passages as follow.]

"Corporal Cuthbert Crewdson," said the Colonel in a kindly voice,
"your work has been very satisfactory--so much so that I have decided
to promote you. From to-day you will no longer be Corporal, but
Lance-Corporal." With a grateful smile our hero saluted and retired to
draw his lance at the Adjutant's stores.