thar't nooan reight. Has ta been growin' a mustash?" Mew! mew! it
went; an' he fan aat he'd kuss'd th' owd Tom cat. When th' neighbours
gate to know, they kursened him "Kusscat," an' they call him soa yet.
But that worn't all; for when he went to get wed he wor soa flustered
woll he stood i' th' wrang place, an' when th' time coom for him to
put th' ring on, he put it on th' woman next to him--he thowt it
didn't mean, for he cud get it swap'd after, but when it wor ovver
they all began to find aat ther'd been a mistak. "Why, Kusscat," said
one, "what's ta been doin'? Tha' s getten wed to thi mother." Th'
parson look'd glum, but he said, "It's noa use botherin' nah, its too
lat, you should ha' spokken afoor--an' aw think he's fittest to be wi'
his mother." But he roar'd like a bull, an' begged th' parson to do
it ovver, an' do it reight; but Lucy said, "He'd noa cashion, for
shoo'd live an' dee an owd maid for iver afoor shoo'd have ony chap
second hand." But her heart worn't as hard as shoo thowt, soa, shoo
gave in, an' th' next time they managed better.


Mysterious Disapperance.

A short time ago Mr. Fitzivitz, of Rank end, was seen to be swimming
at a great rate and making a most extensive spread in the river plate.
Several friends cautioned him not to go so far out of his depth, but
he was utterly heedless of advice, he dived still deeper, and was
observed to sink over head and ears in debt, leaving a large circle of
friends to bewail his loss. His body has since been recovered, but
all that could have comforted his anxious friends had fled, alas for
ever.