committee to consider what color to whitewash th' schooil, they all
felt fooilish. A young chap 'at's just popp'd th' question to a young
woman feels rayther fooilish if shoo says "Noa." An' if shoo says
"Yes," he may live to think he wor fooilish. A chap feels fooilish
when he's been runnin aboon a mile to catch th' train, an' just gets
thear i' time to see it move off an' leave him. A chap feels fooilish
when he goas to th' chapel when ther's a collection, an' finds he's
left th' hawpenny at hooam he thowt o' givin', an's nowt noa less nor
hauf a craan. A chap feels fooilish if he's been rakein' aat all th'
neet, an' when he gets hooam his wife finds a woman's neet-cap hung to
his coit button. A chap luks fooilish when he's tellin' a tale an'
forgets hah it finishes. A woman luks fooilish when shoo's lost her
hair pins, an' her false bob's hingin' daan her back. An' ther are
times when we're all fooilish, an' awm feeard if aw doant stop yo may
begin to think me fooilish, soa aw'll drop it.


Cleenin' Daan Month

May is abaat th' warst pairt o'th' year for a wed chap, for he connot
walk aat, an' he cannot be comfortable at hooam, becoss it's th'
cleeanin' daan time. Talk abaat weshin' days! they're fooils to
cleeanin' days. Buckstun lime an' whitewesh, bees-wax an' turpitine--
black-leead an' idleback, stare a chap i' th' face ivery where. Pots
an' pans--weshin' bowls an' peggy tubs, winteredges an' clooas lines--
brooms an' besoms--dish claots an' map claots, block up ivery nook
an' corner; an' if iver ther is a time when a chap darn't spaik it's
then. If he thinks th' haase is cleean enuff, an' doesn't want owt
dooin' at, his wife's sure to call him a mucky haand, an' say 'at he
wodn't care if he wor up to th' shoo tops i' filth; an' if he says he