Irving.

“You will have to choose some other time for it,” Irving answered. “I
understand that there is a rule against reading newspapers at table, and
I think it must be observed.”

“Oh, very well,—_de bon cœur_,” said Westby.

The next day at supper he appeared without his newspaper. But in the
course of the meal he drew from his pocket some newspaper clippings
which he had pasted together and which he began to read in his usual
manner. Soon the boys of the table were laughing, soon the boys of the
adjacent tables were twisting round and trying to share in the
amusement. Westby read in his rapid consecutive way,—

“‘Does no good unless taken as directed—pain in the back, loins, or
region of the kidneys—danger signal nature hangs out—um—um—um. Mother
attacks son with razor, taking tip of left ear. Catcher Dan McQuilligan
signs with the Red Sox—The Woman Beautiful—Bright Eyes: Every woman is
entitled to a clear, brilliant complexion—um—if she is not so blessed,
it is usually her own fault—um—Candidate for pulchritude: reliable
beauty shop—do not clip the eyelashes—um.—Domestic science column—Baked
quail: pick, draw, and wipe the bird outside and inside; use a wet
cloth.—No, Hortense, it is not necessary to offer a young man
refreshments during an evening call.’”

Westby was going on and on; he had a hilarious audience now of three
tables. From the platform at the end of the dining-room Mr. Randolph
looked down and shook his head—shook it emphatically; and Irving, seeing
it, understood the signal.