secret when you cannot help them. [In deep thought] He is
obviously not in love with her, but why shouldn't he marry her?
She is not pretty, but she is so clever and pure and good, she
would make a splendid wife for a country doctor of his years. [A
pause] I can understand how the poor child feels. She lives here
in this desperate loneliness with no one around her except these
colourless shadows that go mooning about talking nonsense and
knowing nothing except that they eat, drink, and sleep. Among
them appears from time to time this Dr. Astroff, so different, so
handsome, so interesting, so charming. It is like seeing the moon
rise on a dark night. Oh, to surrender oneself to his embrace! To
lose oneself in his arms! I am a little in love with him myself!
Yes, I am lonely without him, and when I think of him I smile.
That Uncle Vanya says I have the blood of a Nixey in my veins:
"Give rein to your nature for once in your life!" Perhaps it is
right that I should. Oh, to be free as a bird, to fly away from
all your sleepy faces and your talk and forget that you have
existed at all! But I am a coward, I am afraid; my conscience
torments me. He comes here every day now. I can guess why, and
feel guilty already; I should like to fall on my knees at Sonia's
feet and beg her forgiveness, and weep.

ASTROFF comes in carrying a portfolio.

ASTROFF. How do you do? [Shakes hands with her] Do you want to
see my sketch?

HELENA. Yes, you promised to show me what you had been doing.
Have you time now?