"They were the only two that didn't volunteer for a listening picket
one night, and I felt so ashamed of them that I decided to mention it.

"'You nickel-plated, glass-lined table-ornament,' I said to Ruggles
when I found him alone, 'aren't you ashamed to form a rear rank alone
with Jenks every time you're asked to do anything?'

"I knew they hated each other, and I thought I'd draw him, but he
hadn't a word for himself.

"'Tell me what you joined for,' I said more persuasively, for he had
been in the Army over a year. 'You're the only man in the company,
bar your friend Jenks, that turns white at the pop of a cork out of a
Worcester sauce bottle.'

"He stroked the bit of hair behind his right ear and let slip a grin
like the London and Country mail slots at the G.P.O.

"'I'll tell you, Sergeant,' he said. 'I never had much heart for
soldiering, and I only joined up when I did to spite the girl that
jilted me. She jilted me for Jenks, and no sooner did she say the word
to him than she talked him into enlisting too.... That's why I'm no
good. Every time I remember I'm a soldier I think of her laughing at
me, and I feel a fool.'

"'Well,' said I, 'she must be proud of you both, for you're the
weariest, wonkiest pair of wash-outs I ever swore at.'

"I didn't send for Jenks; I could guess his excuse. He had obviously
about as much spirit for fighting as Ruggles, and he was just hanging