"'By virtue of the powers conferred upon us by Act of Parliament
(Ancestry Act, 1922), we are prepared to give your sometime
great-great-uncle William, who, according to family tradition,
always wanted to go to sea, a commission in the Navy, and the
rank of lieutenant, together with appointment to any ship of the
line--with the exception of the _Victory_--which fought under Lord
NELSON. The making out the commission will be put in hand on the
receipt of your cheque for three hundred guineas.'"

"Do you always give satisfaction?"

"Occasionally we have to disappoint people. For instance, this letter
to a lady at Plymouth:--

"'We fear we cannot grant your request to reserve a berth on the
_Mayflower_ for your delightful ancestress, Mrs. Patience Loveday.
The _Mayflower_ is already overcrowded, and, owing to some
ill-feeling raised in America, we decided to resign all interest
in the vessel. Should you desire some other form of Puritan
distinction how would you like to provide yourself with a
non-juring clergyman as an ancestor? We could present any suitable
departed member of your family to a Crown living, and supply
you with an order of ejectment, dated the anniversary of St.
Bartholomew's Day, 1662.'"

"Judging from the address on this letter, 'X. O'Finny, Esq.,' your
jurisdiction extends to Ireland?"

"Yes, Mr. O'Finny wants some persecuted ancestors. We offer to supply
him with a member of his family condemned to be beheaded by order of