Puts his verses in the columns of the _Times_;
When the endless minor poet in an endless minor key
Gives the public his unnecessary rhymes,
When you're weary of the poems which they constantly compose,
And endeavour their existence to forget,
You may seek and find repose in the satisfying prose
Of the _Oxford University Gazette_.

In that soporific journal you may stupefy the mind
With the influence narcotic which it draws
From the Latest Information about Scholarships Combined
Or the contemplated changes in a clause:
Place me somewhere that is far from the _Standard_ and the _Star_,
From the fever and the literary fret,--
And the harassed spirit's balm be the academic calm
Of the _Oxford University Gazette_!




THE PARADISE OF LECTURERS

When you might be a name for the world to acclaim,
and when Opulence dawns on the view,
Why slave like a Turk at Collegiate work
for a wholly inadequate screw?
Why grind at the trade--insufficiently paid--of
instructing for Mods and for Greats,
When fortunes immense are diurnally made
by a lecturing tour in the States?