any straight swindle. She's liable to turn honest on you when you are
depending upon her the most. I tried 'em once.

"Bill Humble, an old friend of mine in the Territories, conceived
the illusion that he wanted to be appointed United States Marshall.
At that time me and Andy was doing a square, legitimate business of
selling walking canes. If you unscrewed the head of one and turned it
up to your mouth a half pint of good rye whiskey would go trickling
down your throat to reward you for your act of intelligence. The
deputies was annoying me and Andy some, and when Bill spoke to me
about his officious aspirations, I saw how the appointment as Marshall
might help along the firm of Peters & Tucker.


[Illustration: "Selling walking canes."]


"'Jeff,' says Bill to me, 'you are a man of learning and education,
besides having knowledge and information concerning not only rudiments
but facts and attainments.'

"'I do,' says I, 'and I have never regretted it. I am not one,' says
I, 'who would cheapen education by making it free. Tell me,' says I,
'which is of the most value to mankind, literature or horse racing?'

"'Why--er--, playing the po--I mean, of course, the poets and the
great writers have got the call, of course,' says Bill.

"'Exactly,' says I. 'Then why do the master minds of finance and
philanthropy,' says I, 'charge us $2 to get into a race-track and let