understand the doctrine of Jesus and the hymns we sing, but I feel
that what I hear and learn penetrates into my heart, and since I am
thus inwardly affected, warmed, and enlivened, I am the more
astonished and amazed at the change, when recollecting, that I have
been so hard and callous, that whenever any of my nearest relations
departed this life, being taken from my side by death, I was not able
to weep a tear for them; but now I can shed a flood of tears, both
from a fervent desire of living intimately attached to Jesus, and for
delight and pleasure to think what happiness I should enjoy if
incessantly thus disposed. However, since I am so poor and defective,
I find that I cannot procure it by my own efforts; but I am taught
that I may yet enjoy this constant happiness, by entreating our
Saviour for it to-day, to-morrow, and every day. As long as I am on
this earth, I shall remain like a sick one, and be always apt to
stray; for my heart is naturally untoward and hard as a stone, but
when Jesus softens it, then it becomes truly soft and tender. Ah! that
I had not such corrupted senses! yet, being conscious that I am
constantly in danger on account of my depravity, I am determined
faithfully to attend to the gospel, and to my teachers, to be guided
and advised by them and to follow after righteousness. When I search
my own heart, I still find many things condemnable in the sight of
Jesus, of which I had never thought before. Hear these my poor words
to you in love. JONATHAN."

At Okkak, Solomon, a baptized man, thus complained to the brethren: "I
will now utter words of truth only. I am unhappy because I cannot
regain that state of mind I enjoyed when I was baptized. There is as
it were a dark shadow between me and our Saviour; this is the only
thing that gives me pain at present. I feel, 'tis true, some desire
after Jesus, but I cannot always pray to him. This is, alas, my case,