Then the sweet girlish thing on my left gave me the corkscrew jab.

It was the finish:

"Isn't that lovely? Well, as I was telling you, Charlie came last night
and brought Mr. Storeclose with him. Mr. Storeclose is awfully nice. He
plays the mandolin just too sweet for anything, and--"

Me!--to the oyster beds! No male impersonators garroting a mandolin--not
any in mine!

When I want to take a course in music I'll climb into a public library
and read how Baldy Sloane wrote the Tiger Lily with one hand tied behind
him and his feet on the piano.

So I fell off the car and crawled home to mother.




THE MUSKEETER

BY JOSH BILLINGS


Muskeeters are a game bug, but they won't bite at a hook. Thare iz
millyuns ov them kaught every year, but not with a hook, this makes the
market for them unstiddy, the supply allways exceeding the demand. The
muskeeto iz born on the sly, and cums to maturity quicker than enny