each other so tenderly, pierces my heart. This well-arranged household,
this family union, and all the delicate attentions of the Starost
Swidzinski, who adores my sister--all these blessings, which I must
covet, and yet of which I am not jealous, increase the bitterness of my
suffering.

My sister is predestined to every possible felicity. Her little girl is
the most charming child anywhere to be found; her father fondles and
caresses her, and my parents are always writing to my sister, because
they feel so much solicitude for her and her little one. Happy Barbara!
Life is one long festival for her. Ah! may God take her happiness into
his own keeping, and may this reflection console me under my own weight
of sorrow!

I shall perhaps feel more tranquil when I have seen my dear parents;
their pardon will be as a Christian absolution for me. I will again
live and hope when protected by their tenderness. I will begin the new
year with them; it may perhaps be the dawn of my happiness! I was
formerly so happy at Maleszow....


CASTLE OF MALESZOW, _January 5th, 1761._

I have been here several days, but I think I will soon return to
Sulgostow. I suffer everywhere, and it always seems to me that I will be
most happy in whatever place I am not. My lot is brilliant in
imagination, but miserable in reality. And yet, my parents have received
me well, and have treated me with the greatest kindness. But a matter of
comparatively slight importance is one of the causes of my uneasiness
here: I have no money; I cannot make the slightest present to my