he was about to preach, he did not generally go in for the service, but
remained in the vestry until the sermon; and that he would lie on a sofa
or sit in a chair, in agonies of nervousness, with actual attacks of
nausea, and even sickness at times, until he was summoned, feeling that
he could not possibly get through. This left him after speaking a few
words: but he also maintained that on the rare occasions when he felt
quite confident and free from nervousness, the result was a failure: he
said that a real anxiety as to the effect of the sermon was a necessary
stimulus, and evoked a mental power which confidence was apt to leave
dormant.




X

THE CHANGE


Hugh has himself traced in full detail, in his book _The Confessions of
a Convert_, how he gradually became convinced that it was his duty to
make his submission to the Church of Rome; and I will not repeat the
story here. But I can recall very distinctly the period during which he
was making up his mind. He left Mirfield in the early summer of 1903, so
that when I came home for the summer holidays, he was living there. I
had myself just accepted from King Edward the task of editing Queen
Victoria's letters, and had resigned my Eton mastership. Hugh was then
engaged in writing his book _By What Authority_ with inconceivable
energy and the keenest possible enjoyment. His absorption in the work
was extraordinary. He was reading historical books and any books