skirted it, and trailed across it in diagonal lines; walking
sometimes, and sometimes going at full speed of horses and
wheels. It stirred me, it saddened me, it fascinated me, all
at once; while the gray horse and his rider held my eye far
and near with a magnet hold. Sometimes in one part of the
line, sometimes in another, the moving spirit and life of the
whole. I followed and watched him with eye and heart, till my
heart grew sick and I turned away.

CHAPTER VI.

IN THE FIRE


My ride with Major Fairbairn made me unsettled. Or else it was
my seeing Mr. Thorold at his drill. A certain impatience
seized me; an impatience of the circumstances and position in
which I found myself privately, and of the ominous state and
position of affairs in public. The horizon black with clouds,
the grumble of the storm, and yet the portentous waiting and
quiet which go before the storm's burst. It irked me to see
Mr. Thorold as I had seen him yesterday; knowing ourselves
united, but standing apart as if it were not so, and telling a
lie to the world. It weighed on me, and I half felt that
Christian was right and that anything openly acknowledged was
easier to bear. And then Major Fairbairn's talk had filled me
with fears. He represented things as being so very
threatening, and the outbreak of the storm as being so very
near; I could not regain the tranquillity of the days past, do
what I would. I did a very unwise thing, I suppose, for I went