"Speaking of Operations--"

by Irvin S. Cobb




Respectfully dedicated to two classes:

Those who have already been operated on
Those who have not yet been operated on



Now that the last belated bill for services professionally rendered
has been properly paid and properly receipted; now that the memory
of the event, like the mark of the stitches, has faded out from a
vivid red to a becoming pink shade; now that I pass a display of
adhesive tape in a drug-store window without flinching--I sit me
down to write a little piece about a certain matter--a small thing,
but mine own--to wit, That Operation.

For years I have noticed that persons who underwent pruning or
remodeling at the hands of a duly qualified surgeon, and survived,
like to talk about it afterward. In the event of their not surviving
I have no doubt they still liked to talk about it, but in a different
locality. Of all the readily available topics for use, whether
among friends or among strangers, an operation seems to be the
handiest and most dependable. It beats the Tariff, or Roosevelt,
or Bryan, or when this war is going to end, if ever, if you are a