MASSAGE A touch, with intent to rub it in.

MATRIMONY A game for women, in which the unmarried half are trying
to find a husband and the married half trying not to be found out
by one. Both halves are eminently successful.

MEAL According to the Liquor Law, a minute bunch of crumbs
entirely surrounded by booze.

MEDIUM A party with one ear in the grave but both hands on your
wallet. "Hello, Central! Give me Heaven!"

MELODEON An alleged musical instrument, popular at home, but
unpopular next door. From Eng. melody, and Latin, un, without.
Warranted without melody.

MENAGERIE From Fr. melange, mixture, and Ger. riechen, to smell.
A mixture of smells.

MESSENGER BOY From Eng. miss, to fail, and Lat. engeo, to arrive.
One who fails to arrive.

METER The gas man's trysting place. "Meet her in the cellar!"

MIND No matter. MATTER Never mind.

MINE A hole in the ground owned by a liar.

MINSTREL A footlight foul that makes its nightly lay in every