birth-day book. The boast of an old vintage, the bug a boo of an
old maid.

ALCOHOL A liquid good for preserving almost everything except
secrets.

ALDERMAN A political office known as the Crook's Road to Wealth.
From Eng. all, and Greek derma, meaning skin--"all skin."

ALIMONY An expensive soothing syrup, prescribed by the judge for a
divorcee's bleeding heart. (Old spelling, allay money).

ALLOPATHY From Eng. all, everybody, and Grk. pathos, pain. Pain
for everybody. HOMOEOPATHY From Grk. homoios, same, and pathos.
Pain, just the same.

ALPHABET A toy for the children found in books, blocks, pictures
and vermicelli soup. Contains 26 letters and only three syllables.

ANCESTORS The originators of the Family Tree, a remarkable sex
paradox in which the Ann sisters are always the four fathers.

ANGEL A heavenly ineligible, with wings and a harp; or, an earthly
eligible, with money and a heart.

ANTI-ROOMS Euphemistic term for Canfield's, New York City.

ANTI-IMPERIALIST A patriot whose conscience works overtime.

ANTIMONY A metallic substance discovered by Valentine in 1450, and