WAITER An Inn-experienced servant.

WAR A wholesale means of making heroes which, if planned in a
small way, would produce only murderers.

WATER A thin substance applied to stocks with which to soak
buyers.

WEDDING A trade in which the bride is generally given away, and
the groom is often sold.

WEEDS Found in gardens and widows. For removing easily, marry the
widow.

WICKEDNESS A myth invented by good people to account for the
singular attractiveness of others.

WIDOW The wife of a golfer during the open season, unless she
golfs, too. In that event the children are golf orphans.

WHISKY Trouble put up in liquid form.

WIND An aerial phenomenon, superinduced by an ephemeral agitation
of the nebular strata, whereby air, (hot or cold), impelled into
transitory activity, generates a prolonged passage through space,
owing to certain occult ethereal stimuli, and results in zephyrs,
breezes, blows, blow-outs, blizzards, gales, simoons, hurricanes,
tornadoes or typhoons. Barred from Kansas Cyclone-cellars but
frequently blended with Chicago tongue--canned or conversational.