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Old Friends, Epistolary Parody by Andrew Lang
page 33 of 119 (27%)
Dear Letitia,--My hand trembles so with indignation that I can
hardly direct my pen. Pray BURN my letter of July 17 at once, if
you have not already done so. {8} We have been DECEIVED in that
woman! She is a brazenfaced, painted daughter of Heth, and has no
more right to the title of Lady Crawley than YOU have. I am told
that she was at one time the paramour of Lord Steyne, and that her
conduct made it impossible for her husband to live with her. And
this is the woman who has come within the gates of the palace of a
Christian prelate; nay, more, who has secured his signature to a
cheque of very considerable value. I think my suspicions were
first excited by the disappearance of the brandy in the liqueur-
stand, and by meeting "her ladyship's" maid carrying the bottle up
to her room! I spoke to the Bishop, but he would not listen to me-
-quite unlike himself; and even turned on me in her defence.

Entering his study hastily on the following day, I found her
kneeling at his feet, her yellow hair (dyed, no doubt, for she must
be sixty if she is a day) about her shoulders, doing what do you
suppose -? CONFESSING HERSELF TO THE BISHOP OF BARCHESTER

And he was listening to her "confession" with an appearance of
interest, and with one of her hands in his.

"Serpent!" I said--and her green eyes glittered just like one--
"unhand his lordship!" She gave a little laugh and said, "Dear
Mrs. Proudie, do not let me monopolise the Bishop's time. Perhaps
I am in the way?"

"And you shall go out of it," I said. "You are one of those who
cause Israel to sin. You bring the Confessional, for it is no
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