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Old Friends, Epistolary Parody by Andrew Lang
page 49 of 119 (41%)
Lord Winter bore a worthy name enough out of Gascony, that is arida
nutrix, as we said at the Mareschal College, of honourable
soldados--to wit, as I said, he was Monsieur d'Artagnan. To his
friends, howbeit, he gave sic heathen titles as I never saw or
heard of out of the Grecian books: namely, Monsieur Porthos, a
very tall man, albeit something of a lourdaud; Monsieur Athos; and
he that was to be mine own opposite, Monsieur Aramis. Hearing
these outlandish and insolent appellations, I thought it becoming
me, as an honourable cavalier, to resent this fashion of
presenting: and demurred that a gentleman of the House of Dalgetty
of Drumthwacket could neither take affront from, nor give
honourable satisfaction to, a nameless landlouper. Wherein your
lordship, I doubt me not, will hold me justificate.

Lord Winter homologating mine opinion, he that called himself Athos
drew each of us apart, and whispered the true names and qualities
territorial of these gentlemen; the whilk, as may befall honourable
soldados, they had reason sufficient to conceal while serving as
private gentlemen in a regiment, though disdaining to receive
halberds, as unbecoming their birth. He that aligned himself
forenenst me was styled the Chevalier d'Herblay; and, the word
being given, we fell to.

Now, mine adversary declining to fight comminus gladio, but
breaking ground in a manner unworthy of a gallant soldado, and the
place, saving your presence, being somewhat slippery and
treacherous because of the goats that were fed there, I delivered a
sufficient onslaught; and he fell, his sword flying from his hand.
When I had taken his weapon--the spolia opima, as we said at
Mareschal College--I bid him rise, and then discoursed him on the
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