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Old Friends, Epistolary Parody by Andrew Lang
page 51 of 119 (42%)
The following letter must have been omitted from the papers to
which Mr. Samuel Richardson, the editor of "Clarissa," had access.
It was written, apparently, after the disgraceful success of
Lovelace's disgraceful adventure, and shows us that scoundrel in
company not choice, indeed, but better than he deserved, the
society of Mr. Thomas Jones, a Foundling. Mr. Jones's admirable
wife (nee Western), having heard of Lovelace's conduct, sent her
husband to execute that revenge which should have been competed for
by every man of heart. It will be seen that Mr. Jones was no match
for the perfidies of Mr. Lovelace. The cynical reflections of that
bad man on Lord Fellamar, and his relations with Mrs. Jones, will
only cause indignation and contempt among her innumerable and
honourable admirers. They will remember the critical and painful
circumstances as recorded in Mr. Henry Fielding's biography of Mr.
Jones.


Parcius junctas quatiunt fenestras
Ictibus crebris juvenes protervi.


Curse upon thy stars, Jack! How long wilt thou beat me about the
head with thy musty citations from Nat Lee and thy troop of
poetical divines? Thou hast driven me to motto-hunting for the
comeliness of mine epistle, like the weekly scribblers. See, Jack,
I have an adventure to tell thee! It is not the avenging Morden
that hath flashed through the window, sword in hand, as in my
frightful dream; nor hath the statue of the Commandant visited me,
like Don Juan, that Rake of Spain; but a challenger came hither
that is not akin to my beloved Miss. Dost remember a tall, fresh-
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