Mrs. Grose's face signified that it had been indeed, but she said
at the same time: "Poor woman--she paid for it!"

"Then you do know what she died of?" I asked.

"No--I know nothing. I wanted not to know; I was glad enough I didn't;
and I thanked heaven she was well out of this!"

"Yet you had, then, your idea--"

"Of her real reason for leaving? Oh, yes--as to that.
She couldn't have stayed. Fancy it here--for a governess!
And afterward I imagined--and I still imagine. And what I
imagine is dreadful."

"Not so dreadful as what _I_ do," I replied; on which I must
have shown her--as I was indeed but too conscious--a front of
miserable defeat. It brought out again all her compassion for me,
and at the renewed touch of her kindness my power to resist broke down.
I burst, as I had, the other time, made her burst, into tears;
she took me to her motherly breast, and my lamentation overflowed.
"I don't do it!" I sobbed in despair; "I don't save or shield them!
It's far worse than I dreamed--they're lost!"



VIII