it might happen to me that only seemingly, only deceptively my self
would be calm and be redeemed, but that in truth it would live on and
grow, for then I had replaced my self with the teachings, my duty to
follow you, my love for you, and the community of the monks!"

With half of a smile, with an unwavering openness and kindness,
Gotama looked into the stranger's eyes and bid him to leave with a
hardly noticeable gesture.

"You are wise, oh Samana.", the venerable one spoke.

"You know how to talk wisely, my friend. Be aware of too much wisdom!"

The Buddha turned away, and his glance and half of a smile remained
forever etched in Siddhartha's memory.

I have never before seen a person glance and smile, sit and walk this
way, he thought; truly, I wish to be able to glance and smile, sit and
walk this way, too, thus free, thus venerable, thus concealed, thus
open, thus child-like and mysterious. Truly, only a person who has
succeeded in reaching the innermost part of his self would glance and
walk this way. Well so, I also will seek to reach the innermost part
of my self.

I saw a man, Siddhartha thought, a single man, before whom I would have
to lower my glance. I do not want to lower my glance before any other,
not before any other. No teachings will entice me any more, since this
man's teachings have not enticed me.

I am deprived by the Buddha, thought Siddhartha, I am deprived, and