candidates, and the subsequent decision of posterity! Dr. Beattie would
have ranked as first poet, and twenty years after the sublime Mr. Hayley
would, no doubt, have claimed the Grand Cross. Mr. Gibbon would not have
been eligible, on account of his dangerous freethinking opinions; and
her sex, as well as her republican sentiments, might have interfered
with the knighthood of the immortal Mrs. Catharine Macaulay. How
Goldsmith would have paraded the ribbon at Madame Cornelys's, or the
Academy dinner! How Peter Pindar would have railed at it! Fifty years
later, the noble Scott would have worn the Grand Cross and deserved it;
but Gifford would have had it; and Byron, and Shelley, and Hazlitt, and
Hunt would have been without it; and had Keats been proposed as officer,
how the Tory prints would have yelled with rage and scorn! Had the star
of Minerva lasted to our present time--but I pause, not because the idea
is dazzling, but too awful. Fancy the claimants, and the row about their
precedence! Which philosopher shall have the grand cordon?--which the
collar?--which the little scrap no bigger than a buttercup? Of the
historians--A, say,--and C, and F, and G, and S, and T,--which shall be
Companion and which Grand Owl? Of the poets, who wears, or claims, the
largest and brightest star? Of the novelists, there is A, and B and C D;
and E (star of first magnitude, newly discovered), and F (a magazine of
wit), and fair G, and H, and I, and brave old J, and charming K, and
L, and M, and N, and O (fair twinklers), and I am puzzled between three
P's--Peacock, Miss Pardoe, and Paul Pry--and Queechy, and R, and S, and
T, mere et fils, and very likely U, O gentle reader, for who has not
written his novel now-a-days?--who has not a claim to the star and
straw-colored ribbon?--and who shall have the biggest and largest? Fancy
the struggle! Fancy the squabble! Fancy the distribution of prizes!

Who shall decide on them? Shall it be the sovereign? shall it be the
Minister for the time being? and has Lord Palmerston made a deep study