and orders alone--and the earth will cover one of the wickedest and
dullest old wretches that ever strutted over it.

Lest it should be imagined that I am of so obstinate a misanthropic
nature as to be satisfied with nothing, I beg (for the comfort of the
forces) to state my belief that the army is not composed of such persons
as the above. He has only been selected for the study of civilians and
the military, as a specimen of a prosperous and bloated Army Snob. No:
when epaulets are not sold; when corporal punishments are abolished, and
Corporal Smith has a chance to have his gallantry rewarded as well
as that of Lieutenant Grig; when there is no such rank as ensign and
lieutenant (the existence of which rank is an absurd anomaly, and an
insult upon all the rest of the army), and should there be no war, I
should not be disinclined to be a major-general myself.

I have a little sheaf of Army Snobs in my portfolio, but shall pause in
my attack upon the forces till next week.



CHAPTER X--MILITARY SNOBS

Walking in the Park yesterday with my young friend Tagg, and discoursing
with him upon the next number of the Snob, at the very nick of time
who should pass us but two very good specimens of Military Snobs,--the
Sporting Military Snob, Capt. Rag, and the 'lurking' or raffish Military
Snob, Ensign Famish. Indeed you are fully sure to meet them lounging
on horseback, about five o'clock, under the trees by the Serpentine,
examining critically the inmates of the flashy broughams which parade up
and down 'the Lady's Mile.'