I have loved him.... O my God, I am still so young, and my past is so
unhappy. At times strange thoughts come into my mind: I fancy he no
longer loves me, that he never did love me; I fancy he has been led
on by ambition, by self-interest, by some ignoble motive, and has
only feigned a feeling that he has never really felt. I feel myself a
coldness I cannot account for; in his presence I am constrained, I am
troubled by his look, his voice makes me tremble: I fear him; I would
sacrifice a year of my life could I never have listened to him."

These words seemed to touch the young confidante to the very depths of
her soul; a shade of sadness crossed her brow, her eyelids dropped, and
for some time she answered nothing, showing sorrow rather than surprise.
Then, lifting her head gently, she said, with visible embarrassment--

"I should never have dared to pass so severe a judgment upon a man whom
my sovereign lady has raised above other men by casting upon him a
look of kindness; but if Robert of Cabane has deserved the reproach of
inconstancy and ingratitude, if he has perjured himself like a coward,
he must indeed be the basest of all miserable beings, despising a
happiness which other men might have entreated of God the whole time of
their life and paid for through eternity. One man I know, who weeps
both night and day without hope or consolation, consumed by a slow and
painful malady, when one word might yet avail to save him, did it come
from the lips of my noble mistress."

"I will not hear another word," cried Joan, suddenly rising; "there
shall be no new cause for remorse in my life. Trouble has come upon me
through my loves, both lawful and criminal; alas! no longer will I try
to control my awful fate, I will bow my head without a murmur. I am the
queen, and I must yield myself up for the good of my subjects."