without these preliminary and chastening trials, I might have met
death in an unworthy manner. Do I know, moreover, that I possess
those virtues and qualities which deserve prosperity; where and what
are they? Then, seriously examining into my past conduct, I found
too little good on which to pride myself; the chief part was a
tissue of vanity, idolatry, and the mere exterior of virtue.
Unworthy, therefore, as I am, let me suffer! If it be intended that
men and gnats should destroy me, unjustly or otherwise, acknowledge
in them the instruments of a divine justice, and be silent.



CHAPTER XXVII.



Does man stand in need of compulsion before he can be brought to
humble himself with sincerity? to look upon himself as a sinner? Is
it not too true that we in general dissipate our youth in vanity,
and, instead of employing all our faculties in the acquisition of
what is good, make them the instruments of our degradation? There
are, doubtless, exceptions, but I confess they cannot apply to a
wretched individual like myself. There is no merit in thus being
dissatisfied with myself; when we see a lamp which emits more smoke
than flame, it requires no great sincerity to say that it does not
burn as it ought to do.

Yes, without any degradation, without any scruples of hypocrisy, and
viewing myself with perfect tranquillity of mind, I perceived that I
had merited the chastisement of my God. An internal monitor told me