on? I found out all about it, and I'll vouch for the story. Well, in the
municipal campaign of 1897, that young man, chockful of
patriotism, worked day and night for the Tammany ticket.
Tammany won, and the young man determined to devote his life to
the service of the city. He picked out a place that would suit him,
and sent in his application to the head of department. He got a
reply that he must take a civil service examination to get the place.
He didn't know what these examinations were, so he went, all
lighthearted, to the Civil Service Board. He read the questions
about the mummies, the bird on the iron, and all the other fool
questions-and he left that office an enemy of the country that he
had loved so well. The mummies and the bird blasted his
patriotism. He went to Cuba, enlisted in the Spanish army at the
breakin' out of the war, and died fightin' his country.

That is but one victim of the infamous civil service. If that young
man had not run up against the civil examination, but had been
allowed to serve his country as he wished, he would be in a good
office today, drawin' a good salary. Ah, how many young men have
had their patriotism blasted in the same way!

Now, what is goin' to happen when civil service crushes out
patriotism? Only one thing can happen: the republic will go to
pieces. Then a czar or a sultan will turn up, which brings me to the
fourthly of my argument-that is, there will be h---- to pay. And that
ain't no lie.

Chapter 4. Reformers Only Mornin' Glories

COLLEGE professors and philosophers who go up in a balloon to