There was so much candour and frankness in what she said that a feeling
of shame replaced the desire of deceiving her, and I shed some tears,
which Esther could only interpret favourably to me. Nevertheless, they
were tears of remorse, and now, as I write after such a lapse of years, I
still regret having deceived one so worthy of my esteem and love. Even
then I reproached myself, but a pitiable feeling of shame would not let
me tell the truth; but I hated myself for thus leading astray one whose
esteem I desired to gain.

In the mean time I was not absolutely sure that I had hit the mark, for
in nature, like everything else, every law has its exceptions, and I
might possibly have dug a pitfall for myself. On the other hand, if I
were right, Esther would no doubt be convinced for the moment, but her
belief would speedily disappear if she chanced to discover that the
correspondence of moles on the human body was a necessary law of nature.
In that case I could only anticipate her scorn. But however I might
tremble I had carried the deception too far, and could not draw back.

I left Esther to call on Rigerboos, whom I thanked for his offices on my
behalf with the chief of the police. He told me that I had nothing to
fear from Piccolomini in Holland, but all the same he advised me not to
go about without pistols. "I am on the eve of embarking for Batavia,"
said he, "in a vessel which I have laden with the ruins of my fortune. In
the state my affairs are in I thought this the best plan. I have not
insured the cargo, so as not diminish my profits, which will be
considerable if I succeed. If the ship is taken or wrecked I shall take
care not to survive its loss; and after all I shall not lose much."

Poor Riberboos said all this as if he were jesting, but despair had no
doubt a good deal to do with his resolve, since it is only in great