obtain a refreshing slumber; nature which would not give me the power of
making her, the loveliest creature, happy, envied me the power of repose
as well. My amorous ardour and my rage forbade all thoughts of rest, and
my excited passions conspired against that which would enable them to
satisfy their desires. Nature punished me for having distrusted her, and
because I had taken stimulants fit only for the weak. If I had fasted, I
should have done great things, but now there was a conflict between the
stimulants and nature, and by my desire for enjoyment I had deprived
myself of the power to enjoy. Thus nature, wise like its Divine Author,
punishes the ignorance and presumption of poor weak mortals.

Throughout this terrible and sleepless night my mind roamed abroad, and
amidst the reproaches with which I overwhelmed myself I found a certain
satisfaction in the thought that they were not wholly undeserved. This is
the sole enjoyment I still have when I meditate on my past life and its
varied adventures. I feel that no misfortune has befallen me save by my
own fault, whilst I attribute to natural causes the blessings, of which I
have enjoyed many. I think I should go mad if in my soliloquies I came
across any misfortune which I could not trace to my own fault, for I
should not know where to place the reason, and that would degrade me to
the rank of creatures governed by instinct alone. I feel that I am
somewhat more than a beast. A beast, in truth, is a foolish neighbour of
mine, who tries to argue that the brutes reason better than we do.

"I will grant," I said, "that they reason better than you, but I can go
no farther; and I think every reasonable man would say as much."

This reply has made me an enemy, although he admits the first part of the
thesis.