reason told me that the fault was mine; I despised myself. I was on the
brink of suicide, but happily I escaped that fate.

I was just going out when Goudar came up and made me go in with him, as
he said he wanted to speak to me. After telling me that the Charpillon
had come home with a swollen cheek which prevented her shewing herself,
he advised me to abandon all claims on her or her mother, or the latter
would bring a false accusation against me which might cost me my life.
Those who know England, and especially London will not need to be
informed as to the nature of this accusation, which is so easily brought
in England; it will suffice to say that through it Sodom was overwhelmed.

"The mother has engaged me to mediate," said Goudar, "and if you will
leave her alone, she will do you no harm."

I spent the day with him, foolishly complaining, and telling him that he
could assure the mother that I would take no proceedings against her, but
that I should like to know if she had the courage to receive this
assurance from my own lips.

"I will carry your message," said he, "but I pity you; for you are going
into their nets again, and will end in utter ruin."

I fancied they would be ashamed to see me; but I was very much mistaken,
for Goudar came back laughing, and said the mother expressed a hope that
I should always be the friend of the family. I ought to have refused to
have anything more to do with them, but I had not the strength to play
the man. I called at Denmark Street the same evening, and spent an hour
without uttering a syllable. The Charpillon sat opposite to me, with eyes
lowered to a piece of embroidery, while from time to time she pretended