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Mark Twain's Burlesque Autobiography by Mark Twain
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head that he did not go idling about the ship with his nose in the air,
sneering about the commander, and saying he did not believe Columbus knew
where he was going to or had ever been there before. The memorable cry
of "Land ho!" thrilled every heart in the ship but his. He gazed a while
through a piece of smoked glass at the penciled line lying on the distant
water, and then said: "Land be hanged,--it's a raft!"

When this questionable passenger came on board the ship, he brought
nothing with him but an old newspaper containing a handkerchief marked
"B. G.," one cotton sock marked "L. W. C." one woollen one marked "D. F."
and a night-shirt marked "O. M. R." And yet during the voyage he worried
more about his "trunk," and gave himself more airs about it, than all
the rest of the passengers put together.

If the ship was "down by the head," and would got steer, he would go and
move his "trunk" farther aft, and then watch the effect. If the
ship was "by the stern," he would suggest to Columbus to detail some men
to "shift that baggage." In storms he had to be gagged, because his
wailings about his "trunk" made it impossible for the men to hear the
orders. The man does not appear to have been openly charged with any
gravely unbecoming thing, but it is noted in the ship's log as a "curious
circumstance" that albeit he brought his baggage on board the ship in a
newspaper, he took it ashore in four trunks, a queensware crate, and a
couple of champagne baskets. But when he came back insinuating in an
insolent, swaggering way, that some of his things were missing, and was
going to search the other passengers' baggage, it was too much, and they
threw him overboard. They watched long and wonderingly for him to come
up, but not even a bubble rose on the quietly ebbing tide. But while
every one was most absorbed in gazing over the side, and the interest was
momentarily increasing, it was observed with consternation that the
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