that Ellen was a victim I do not deny. If any sin, however, was
committed against her, it was committed long before our separation. It
was nine-tenths mistake and one-tenth something more heinous; and the
worst of it is, that while there is nothing which a man does which is
of greater consequence than the choice of a woman with whom he is to
live, there is nothing he does in which he is more liable to self-
deception.

On my return I heard that Mardon was ill, and that probably he would
die. During my absence a contested election for the county had taken
place, and our town was one of the polling-places. The lower classes
were violently Tory. During the excitement of the contest the mob had
set upon Mardon as he was going to his work, and had reviled him as a
Republican and an Atheist. By way of proving their theism they had
cursed him with many oaths, and had so sorely beaten him that the shock
was almost fatal. I went to see him instantly, and found him in much
pain, believing that he would not get better, but perfectly peaceful.

I knew that he had no faith in immortality, and I was curious beyond
measure to see how he would encounter death without such a faith; for
the problem of death, and of life after death, was still absorbing me
even to the point of monomania. I had been struggling as best I could
to protect myself against it, but with little success. I had long
since seen the absurdity and impossibility of the ordinary theories of
hell and heaven. I could not give up my hope in a continuance of life
beyond the grave, but the moment I came to ask myself how, I was
involved in contradictions. Immortality is not really immortality of
the person unless the memory abides and there be a connection of the
self of the next world with the self here, and it was incredible to me
that there should be any memories or any such connection after the