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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 1: Essays, Sketches, and Letters by Artemus Ward
page 76 of 227 (33%)

Baldinsville, Injianny, Sep. the onct, 18&58.--I was summund home
from Cinsinnaty quite suddin by a lettur from the Supervizers of
Baldinsville, sayin as how grate things was on the Tappis in that
air town in refferunse to sellebratin the compleshun of the
Sub-Mershine Tellergraph & axkin me to be Pressunt. Lockin up my
Kangeroo and wax wurks in a sekure stile I took my departer for
Baldinsville--"my own, my nativ lan," which I gut intwo at early
kandle litin on the follerin night & just as the sellerbrashun
and illumernashun ware commensin.

Baldinsville was trooly in a blaze of glory. Near can I forgit
the surblime speckticul which met my gase as I alited from the
Staige with my umbreller and verlis. The Tarvern was lit up with
taller kandles all over & a grate bon fire was burnin in frunt
thareof. A Traspirancy was tied onto the sine post with the
follerin wurds--"Giv us Liberty or Deth." Old Tompkinsis grosery
was illumernated with 5 tin lantuns and the follerin Transpirancy
was in the winder--"The Sub-Mershine Tellergraph & the
Baldinsville and Stonefield Plank Road--the 2 grate eventz of the
19th centerry--may intestines strife never mar their grandjure."
Simpkinsis shoe shop was all ablase with kandles and lantuns. A
American Eagle was painted onto a flag in a winder--also these
wurds, viz.--"The Constitooshun must be Presarved." The Skool
house was lited up in grate stile and the winders was filld with
mottoes amung which I notised the follerin--"Trooth smashed to
erth shall rize agin--YOU CAN'T STOP HER." "The Boy stood on the
Burnin Deck whense awl but him had Fled." "Prokrastinashun is
the theaf of Time." "Be virtoous & you will be Happy."
"Intemperunse has cawsed a heap of trubble--shun the Bole," an
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