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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 1: Essays, Sketches, and Letters by Artemus Ward
page 78 of 227 (34%)
critter." "Betsy," sez the 'Squire, wavin his sword, "retire."
This made her just as mad as she could stick. She retired, but
cum out agin putty quick with a panfull of Bilin hot water which
she throwed all over the Squire, & Surs, you wood have split your
sides larfin to see the old man jump up and holler & run into the
house. Except this unpropishus circumstance all went as merry as
a carriage bell, as Lord Byrun sez. Doctor Hutchinsis offiss was
likewise lited up and a Transpirancy, on which was painted the
Queen in the act of drinkin sum of "Hutchinsis invigorater," was
stuck into one of the winders. The Baldinsville Bugle of Liberty
noospaper offiss was also illumernated, & the follerin mottoes
stuck out--"The Press is the Arkermejian leaver which moves the
world." "Vote Early." "Buckle on your Armer." "Now is the time
to Subscribe." "Franklin, Morse & Field." "Terms 1.50 dollars a
year--liberal reducshuns to clubs." In short the villige of
Baldinsville was in a perfect fewroar. I never seed so many
peple thar befour in my born days. Ile not attemp to describe
the seens of that grate night. Wurds wood fale me ef I shood try
to do it. I shall stop here a few periods and enjoy my "Oatem
cum dig the tates," as our skool master observes, in the buzzum
of my famerly, & shall then resume the show biznis, which Ive bin
into twenty-two (22) yeres and six (6) months.


1.6. AMONG THE SPIRITS.

My naburs is mourn harf crazy on the new-fangled ideas about
Sperrets. Sperretooul Sircles is held nitely & 4 or 5 long hared
fellers has settled here and gone into the Sperret biznis
excloosively. A atemt was made to git Mrs. A. Ward to embark
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