"Yes, sir."

"Got any Uncles?"

"A heap. Uncle Thomas is ded, tho."

"Peace to Uncle Thomas's ashes, and success to him! I will be
your Uncle Thomas! Lean on me, my pretty Secesher, and linger
in Blissful repose!" She slept as secoorly as in her own
housen, and didn't disturb the sollum stillness of the night
with 'ary snore!

At the first station a troop of Sojers entered the cars and
inquired if "Old Wax Works" was on bored. That was the
disrespectiv stile in which they referred to me. "Becawz if
Old Wax Works is on bored," sez a man with a face like a
double-breasted lobster, "we're going to hang Old Wax Works!"

"My illustrious and patriotic Bummers!" sez I, a gittin up and
takin orf my Shappo, "if you allude to A. Ward, it's my
pleasin dooty to inform you that he's ded. He saw the error
of his ways at 15 minutes parst 2 yesterday, and stabbed
hisself with a stuffed sled-stake, dyin in five beautiful
tabloos to slow moosic! His last words was: 'My perfeshernal
career is over! I jerk no more!'"

"And who be you?"

"I'm a stoodent in Senator Benjamin's law offiss. I'm going
up North to steal some spoons and things for the Southern