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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 2: War by Artemus Ward
page 33 of 71 (46%)
Scotsburg. That's them. They're Stage-drivers. Stage-
drivers is exempt!"

I saw that each stage-driver carried a letter in his left
hand.

"The mail is hevy, to-day," said the landlord. "Gin'rally
they don't have more'n half a dozen letters 'tween 'em. To-
day they're got one a piece! Bile my lights and liver!"

"And the passengers?"

"There ain't any, skacely, now-days," said the landlord, "and
what few ther is very much prefer to walk, the roads is so
rough."

"And how ist with you?" I inquired of the editor of the
"Bugle-Horn of Liberty," who sot near me.

"I can't go," he said, shakin' his head in a wise way.
"Ordinarily I should delight to wade in gore, but my bleedin'
country bids me stay at home. It is imperatively necessary
that I remain here for the purpose of announcin', from week to
week, that OUR GOV'MENT IS ABOUT TO TAKE VIGOROUS MEASURES TO
PUT DOWN THE REBELLION!"

I strolled into the village oyster-saloon, where I found Dr.
SCHWAZEY, a leadin' citizen in a state of mind which showed
that he'd bin histin' in more'n his share of pizen.

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