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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 2: War by Artemus Ward
page 45 of 71 (63%)
they're sculpt. You have to watch these ere printers pretty
close, for they're jest as apt to spel a wurd rong as anyhow.

But I have time to look around sum & how do I find things? I
return to the Atlantic States after a absence of ten months, &
what State do I find the country in? Why I don't know what
State I find it in. Suffice it to say, that I do not find it
in the State of New Jersey.

I find sum things that is cheerin', particly the resolve on
the part of the wimin of America to stop wearin' furrin goods.

I never meddle with my wife's things. She may wear muslin
from Greenland's icy mountains, and bombazeen from Injy's
coral strands, if she wants to; but I'm glad to state that
that superior woman has peeled off all her furrin clothes and
jumpt into fabrics of domestic manufactur.

But, says sum folks, if you stop importin' things you stop the
revenoo. That's all right. We can stand it if the Revenoo
can. On the same principle young men should continer to get
drunk on French brandy and to smoke their livers as dry as a
corn-cob with Cuby cigars because 4-sooth if they don't, it
will hurt the Revenoo! This talk 'bout the Revenoo is of the
bosh boshy. One thing is tol'bly certin--if we don't send
gold out of the country we shall have the consolation of
knowing that it is in the country. So I say great credit is
doo the wimin for this patriotic move--and to tell the trooth,
the wimin genrally know what they're bout. Of all the
blessins they're the soothinist. If there'd never bin any
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