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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 2: War by Artemus Ward
page 58 of 71 (81%)
sed boldly I was triflin with the feelin's of a intelligent
public. I know no such man as Olonzo Ward. I do not even
wish his name breathed in my presents. I do not recognize
him. I perfectly disgust him.

RICHMOND.

The old man finds hisself once more in a Sunny climb. I cum
here a few days arter the city catterpillertulated.

My naburs seemed surprised & astonisht at this darin' bravery
onto the part of a man at my time of life, but our family was
never know'd to quale in danger's stormy hour.

My father was a sutler in the Revolootion War. My father once
had a intervoo with Gin'ral La Fayette.

He asked La Fayette to lend him five dollars, promisin' to pay
him in the Fall; but Lafy said "he couldn't see it in those
lamps." Lafy was French, and his knowledge of our langwidge
was a little shaky.

Immejutly on my 'rival here I perceeded to the Spotswood
House, and callin' to my assistans a young man from our town
who writes a good runnin' hand, I put my ortograph on the
Register, and handin' my umbrella to a baldheded man behind
the counter, who I s'posed was Mr. Spotswood, I said, "Spotsy,
how does she run?"

He called a cullud purson, and said,
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