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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 4: To California and Return by Artemus Ward
page 29 of 72 (40%)
locked my deadly weapons up in that article, which was strapped
with the other baggage to the rack behind. The passengers frown on
me for this carelessness, but the kind-hearted Ryder gives me a
small double-barrelled gun, with which I narrowly escape murdering
my beloved friend Hingston in cold blood. I am not used to guns
and things, and in changing the position of this weapon I pulled
the trigger rather harder than was necessary.

When this wicked rebellion first broke out I was among the first--
to stay at home--chiefly because of my utter ignorance of firearms.
I should be valuable to the Army as a Brigadier-General only so far
as the moral influence of--my name went.

. . . .

When this wicked rebellion first broke out I was among the first to
stay at home -chiefly because of my utter ignorance of firearms. I
should be valuable to the army as a Brigadier General only so far
as the moral influence of my name went.

. . . .

However, we pass safely through the land of the Piutes, unmolested
by Buffalo James. This celebrated savage can read and write, and
is quite an orator, like Metamora, or the last of the Wampanoags.
He went on to Washington a few years ago and called Mr. Buchanan
his Great Father, and the members of the Cabinet his dear Brothers.
They gave him a great many blankets, and he returned to his
beautiful hunting grounds and went to killing stage drivers. He
made such a fine impression upon Mr. Buchanan during his sojourn in
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