"And this," I said, "is the British Mooseum! "These noble
walls," I continnerd, punching them with my umbreller to see if
the masonry was all right--but I wasn't allowd to finish my
enthoosiastic remarks, for a man with a gold band on his hat
said, in a hash voice, that I must stop pokin the walls. I told
him I would do so by all means. "You see," I said, taking hold
of the tassel which waved from the man's belt, and drawin him
close to me in a confidential way, "You see, I'm lookin round
this Mooseum, and if I like it I shall buy it."

Instid of larfin hartily at these remarks, which was made in a
goakin spirit, the man frowned darkly and walked away.

I first visited the stuffed animals, of which the gorillers
interested me most. These simple-minded monsters live in Afriky,
and are believed to be human beins to a slight extent, altho'
they are not allowed to vote. In this department is one or two
superior giraffes. I never woulded I were a bird, but I've
sometimes wished I was a giraffe, on account of the long distance
from his mouth to his stummuck. Hence, if he loved beer, one
mugful would give him as much enjoyment while goin down, as forty
mugfuls would ordinary persons. And he wouldn't get intoxicated,
which is a beastly way of amusin oneself, I must say. I like a
little beer now and then, and when the teetotallers inform us, as
they frekently do, that it is vile stuff, and that even the swine
shrink from it, I say it only shows that the swine is a ass who
don't know what's good; but to pour gin and brandy down one's
throat as freely as though it were fresh milk, is the most
idiotic way of goin' to the devil that I know of.