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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 7: Miscellaneous by Artemus Ward
page 59 of 76 (77%)
that it may be included in the present edition.]

The solumncholies hev bin on-to A. W. now and agin, as it dus to most
ov the four-lorned human naturs in this Vayl of Tares. She's tickled
me considerabull sumtims--only it was the wrong wa. Most human
naturs git tickled the wrong wa sumtims.

She was heviest onter me the fust yeer I ever owned a Umbrellar. I
was going on 18 yeer old then, and praid for rane as bad as any
dride-up farmer. I wantid to show that umBrellar--I wantid to mak
sum persnul apeerents with that brellar--I desirud Jim parker and
Hiram Goss to witness the site--I felt my birthWrite was bowned up in
that brellar--I wantid to be a MAN!

I'd un-hook'd frum Betsy Jain fur a spell--(canfidenshal, leastways,
I hadn't commenced cortin up to her rite down in ernest then)--and
kum evenin I went over to the Widder Blakes. I'd the umBrellar
along, and opun'd it outside the door--pretendin I couldn't klose it
like, so that the dawter could hev a good Luke at my property. But
it wuz no use; the new Brellar didn't take, and Sally sed she thort I
"needn't cum agin !"

I hev bin many wheres, and seen sum few in this erthly Tavernknuckle,
but ov all the solum hours I ever speeriunsed the 1 ockepied in going
hum that partickler nite frum the Widders was the most solumm.

I'd a mind to throw awa that Brellar more'n onct as I went along.

7.18. AN AFFECTING POEM.

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