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Letters to His Son on the Art of Becoming a Man of the World and a Gentleman, 1753-54 by Earl of Philip Dormer Stanhope Chesterfield
page 15 of 61 (24%)
customs, the manners, and all the little characteristical peculiarities
that distinguish one place from another; but then this familiarity is not
to be brought about by cold, formal visits of half an hour: no; you must
show a willingness, a desire, an impatience of forming connections, 'il
faut s'y preter, et y mettre du liant, du desir de plaire. Whatever you
do approve, you must be lavish in your praises of; and you must learn to
commend what you do not approve of, if it is approved of there. You are
not much given to praise, I know; but it is because you do not yet know
how extremely people are engaged by a seeming sanction to their own
opinions, prejudices, and weaknesses, even in the merest trifles. Our
self-love is mortified when we think our opinions, and even our tastes,
customs, and dresses, either arraigned or condemned; as on the contrary,
it is tickled and flattered by approbation. I will give you a remarkable
instance of this kind. The famous Earl of Shaftesbury, in the flagitious
reign of Charles the Second, while he was Chancellor, had a mind to be a
favorite, as well as a minister of the King; in order, therefore, to
please his Majesty, whose prevailing passion was women, my Lord kept a
w----e, whom he had no occasion for, and made no manner of use of. The
King soon heard of it, and asked him if it was true; he owned it was; but
that, though he kept that one woman, he had several others besides, for
he loved variety. A few days afterward, the King, at his public levee,
saw Lord Shaftesbury at some distance, and said in the circle, "One would
not think that that little, weak man is the greatest whore-master in
England; but I can assure you that he is." Upon Lord Shaftesbury's coming
into the circle, there was a general smile; the King said, "This is
concerning you, my Lord."--"Me, sir?" answered the Chancellor, with some
surprise. "Yes, you," answered the King; "for I had just said that you
were the greatest whore-master in England! Is it not true?"--"Of a
SUBJECT, Sir," replied Lord Shaftesbury, "perhaps I am." It is the same
in everything; we think a difference of opinion, of conduct, of manners,
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