natural reaction he became inclined to exaggerate the importance of
small objections, little reproaches, slight criticisms from his real
friends. Such criticisms seemed to bring into a sphere he would have
liked to keep solely for the mutual reliance of loving kindness,
something of the hard utilitarianism of the world at large. In
consequence he gradually came to choose the line of least resistance,
to avoid instinctively even the slightly disagreeable. Perhaps for
this reason he was never entirely sincere with those he loved. He
showed enthusiasm over any plan suggested by them, for the reason
that he never dared offer a merely problematical anticipation.
The affair had to be absolutely certain in his own mind before he
ventured to admit anyone to the pleasure of looking forward to
it,--and simply because he so feared the disappointment in case
anything should go wrong. He did not realize that not only is
the pleasure of anticipation often the best, but that even
disappointment, provided it happen through excusable causes,
strengthens the bonds of affection through sympathy. We do not
want merely results from a friend--merely finished products. We
like to be in at the making, even though the product spoil.

This unfortunate tendency, together with his reserve, lent him the
false attitude of a rather cold, self-centered man, discouraging
suggestions at first only to adopt them later in the most
inexplicable fashion, and conferring favors in a ready-made
impersonal manner which destroyed utterly their quality as favors.
In reality his heart hungered for the affection which this false
attitude generally repelled. He threw the wet blanket of doubt
over warm young enthusiasms because his mind worked with a certain
deliberateness which did not at once permit him to see the
practicability of the scheme. Later he would approve. But by that