I feel sick with disappointment, and do not believe that I have ever been
so disappointed in my life, for ever since this business began
I am certain there have not been fifteen minutes of my waking hours
that it has not been in my mind. It has to come sooner or later.
One campaign might cure me, but nothing else ever will,
unless it should be old age. I regret bitterly that I did not enlist
with the first, for I doubt if ever another chance will offer like it.
This is not said in ignorance of what the hardships would be.

I am ashamed to say I am doing my work in a merely mechanical way.
If they are taking surgeons on the other side, I have enough money
to get myself across. If I knew any one over there who could do anything,
I would certainly set about it. If I can get an appointment in England
by going, I will go. My position here I do not count as an old boot
in comparison.
==


In the end he accomplished the desire of his heart, and sailed
on the `Laurentian'. Concerning the voyage one transcription will be enough:


==
On orderly duty. I have just been out taking the picket at 11.30 P.M.
In the stables the long row of heads in the half-darkness,
the creaking of the ship, the shivering of the hull from the vibration
of the engines, the sing of a sentry on the spar deck to some passer-by.
Then to the forward deck: the sky half covered with scudding clouds,
the stars bright in the intervals, the wind whistling a regular blow
that tries one's ears, the constant swish as she settles down to a sea;